It is said that it takes two people to enter into a marriage, yet just one to make that marriage better. The success doesn’t only lie in compromises alone but also in patience and understanding your spouse. Marriage is a challenge that gets harder with the passing of time. It takes efforts to build and sustain a marriage and no matter how clichéd this sounds, it only gets truer.
So let's discuss 5 ways to save your marriage...
When we hear about marriage failures too often, we lose hope in resolving issues to save a marriage. Advice become uninteresting merely because they lose credibility in our sight. This is because we predict the outcome of our lives based on probability, even though each marriage is unique and only the couple themselves can make the ultimate difference to their marriage. If your marriage is on the rocks, it is understandable that you’ve thought about giving up already. But just by redirecting your energy on the positive things, you can set yourself in a new direction altogether. Here are some basic tips to consider to help prevent your marriage from failing:
1. The foremost thing to do is to recognize the recipe for disaster and avoid it at all costs.
For example, clinging to the thought that ‘he/she should make the first move to reconcile’ is disastrous and only creates more room for contention. Never expect the other person to change first, but be the change you want to see in him/her. Be more expressive and more approachable. When couples allow their ego to get the better of them, it creates a toxic situation in which both the individuals feel further pushed to the edge of frustration and repression. This frustration results in an outburst, communicating their feelings in the worst possible manner. This causes more harm than good as both individuals find themselves to be at the receiving end. They opt for separation as their only option, without realizing there might be a solution. In reality, this is only a deception that the eyes fail to discern at the time of its occurrence, as these small issues can be resolved easily through small efforts. The key is to make the first move to reconcile once you've regained your composure.
2. Many times, you’ll have disagreements with your partner.
Anyone who claims otherwise is most definitely divorced.
Disagreements, arguments and even quarrels are all normal in a relationship and perhaps even healthy too. Because they are natural and inevitable, and this is exactly what your relationship should be – natural, not artificial. Your partner might make the same mistake he usually does, despite you correcting him a gazillion times. As a frustrated spouse, you’ll feel disrespected or even disregarded by this. But realistically, old habits die hard and this is especially true of how people execute tasks or follow instructions. Your partner repeating his mistake does not mean he doesn’t acknowledge what you say, but rather that it slips his mind every time. For example, if you’re intending to remind him of cleaning up the kitchen, just be concise and to the point and say "You said you’ll do the dishes tonight but you didn't." What you shouldn’t say is “I can't even trust what you say, you always do this, you’re so irresponsible and dodge chores all the time”. These things are completely unnecessary to say, as the harsh tone rather only hurts/angers the other person instead of making him realize his mistake. Put temper aside, and deal with these small situations with patience, because they’re likely to occur in every relationship.
3. It is good to receive surprises when you least expect them.
This can transform a volatile atmosphere into a calm and peaceful one. Knowing how to surprise your partner with the smallest gestures is key. If your partner has done something that annoys you, and he’s expecting to be criticized over it, praise him instead, obviously, not over his mistake but over anything positive that you can spot in him, in that moment. Compliment his sweater, or how the color suits him. If he’s left the door unlocked again, don’t make a smart remark such as “I expect you to insure everything in this house, because an unlocked door is an invitation to burglars”, but instead say something lighthearted and funny, so not only does he realize his mistake but also feel determined not to repeat it.
4. There’s a way to get what you want without creating a storm.
Use an effective technique that allows you to share your concerns without sounding as though you are attacking your spouse. For example, if your partner spends too much and almost exceeds your budget, don’t say "you spend all my money”, instead address the problem without highlighting his/her behavior. Highlight your worries instead and say “It's getting difficult for me to manage an income that covers all our expenses; I don’t know how to make it work despite trying my hardest”. This will communicate your concern to your partner without him/her feeling blamed or accused of overspending.
5. At times, do what you dread.
This can be listening to your partner’s rants or endless complaints about his boss. Believe it or not, this is the greatest act of companionship you can render in the service of your other half. Being a listener doesn’t mean you have to be the problem solver, it just means you are there for him when he needs to empty out his heart and mind. Understandably, this may not be possible at all times, considering you could be cooking, looking after the kids and listening to him all at once. In such situations, do not impatiently yell “I don’t have time to listen to you, I’m busy!”, instead be more considerate and say “I think what you’re saying is really important and it’s better to discuss it when I can give you my full attention”. This will not only make your partner feel important but he’ll also realize he can help you with your chores so you both can sit down and have some piece of mind together.
Ultimately, there are tons of tips that can help bring changes into your life when you feel like you’re riding a wrecked train. If you wish to find more tips on saving your marriage, you can visit here.
As you explore ways to save a marriage, you should also realize, in some unfortunate situations, divorces are inevitable because certain issues are just beyond reconciliation for both the parties. In such an instance, it is better to avoid a nasty divorce. The couple should rather proceed with it in a civil manner. During the process, many decisions must be made as the marriage is headed for a dissolution.
Therefore, the best way to manage it all is by planning everything. This is where planning for a divorce checklist comes handy. This is designed to help you gain clarity by gathering and organizing all of your important data in one place. The checklist includes records of shared financial assets including bank accounts, investments, insurance policies, and other physical assets like property, cars and boats, and also the custody of your children and how you’ll be managing it. The financial aspect of your divorce proceeding can be documented on a divorce financial planning worksheet. The sheet’s purpose is to make any negotiations and the finalization of the financial inventory easily manageable.
Albeit, divorces aren’t fun they don’t have to be complicated either. Divorces come with hefty paperwork and legal documents, therefore, a divorce file can make things convenient by giving you easy access to your information.
This story originally appeared on the LegalNotes blog | photo.credit
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